a world of fantasy seems to have less pain yet more loneliness
a world of reality seems to have more pain and less loneliness

saw tis from my frd's blog..
it hits mi like thunder..

i tinking which one is worse..
e fantasy or reality..

we got to face reality someday..
no matter how much we wan to lie to ourselves..
the truth is always right infront of our eyes..

as we begin to accept ur defeats
with out head up and eyes looking ahead
with the courage of a lion, not the grief of a child
and only den can we move on..

certain decisions are hard to make..
but we got to make it somehow..
y prolong e pain and agony?

it reli hurts..
to make a decision tt makes u stuck in e middle..
knowing u will be hurt n in heartaches.
but i guess.. getting hurt n move on will be better than stuck in nowhere..

i had it once..
im not gona let it happen again..

with every goodbyes, i learn..

i learnt tt..
- without trust, there's no love..

- being a third party will lead to alot of hurt n complications

- assumptions is a big NONO in a r/s.. just ask if in doubt.. no need to raise up ur hand.. JUST ASK..

- everyone has a history.. let it go.. no point asking

- DUN ever plunge into a r/s right after one ended.. u r asking for trouble..

lastly, got to love urself before u can love others..
even if we r not together towards e end
i do love u my dear...

12:23 AM;
I made my mark

so much has happened tis two days..
my life in a mess n im upset n no confidence..

i was surprised by my actions..
i guess now im reli scared of loving..
im doing night from now on..

less time to see her
less time to talk to her..
let it be good or bad..
i tink i need time to heal my heart..

its now in million of pieces..
looking at her..
i duno shd i just cry or laugh..

2:17 PM;
I made my mark

to follow my heart, or to follow my head??

u really hurt mi deeply tis time

10:19 PM;
I made my mark

HAPPY FIRST MONTH DARLING..

shes not here wif mi..
was called in to work..
hai..

was not a pleasant day..
her mood was bad..
n it affected mi too

she got alot of things to straighten out
she said its not abt us
maybe it is ..
she just dun wan to hurt mi?
maybe i tink too much..

she called in e night
well.. my gut feeling is right..
its abt us..
though she said its minority..
i.. just.. cant concentrate on my thing
i wonder wad shes' tinking n stuff
e suspense is killing mi..
im hanging in mid-air

come to tink of it..
how can i give her happiness when im not happy?
wad is the feeling tt i wan?
i cant let go of our love?
or i cant let go of our close intimacy?

we are so different..
our lifestyle, our interest..
if we r frds.. wun it be better?

i seriously got to do alot of thinking..
i guess.. she is thinking now too..

7:14 PM;
I made my mark

Trust.. is just so impt in a r/s..

looking back to my past r/s, i guess im a person who reli finds it hard to trust my love ones.. from my first stead till the present one, im always a insecure person.. im always the third party.. am i fond of being a third party, or am i just plain unlucky?

find it hard to trust.. the pain of being betrayed.. no words can describe it.. i feel it again.. maybe sometimes ppl tell white lies in order to make e other party more sure n secure of herself.. but.. once e truth is out, imagine e hurt the other party will feel becoz of the white lie.. is telling e truth so hard??

my heart stop beating for a spilt second when i realised she told a white lie.. she denied remembering wad she said.. but i do remember wad happened.. looking at her eyes.. i know she do remember.. y expose her lie when i know it do no good to both of us?

her ex will always be in e pic.. its all up to mi to determine my own happiness.. i can be reli down if i allow myself too.. but do i want tt? i know she can sense my unhappiness.. is telling her my unhappiness going to help? i dun tink so.. i guess.. shes' lost too..

im her harbour when she has no one.. im willing to be the one who gives her support when she's alone.. i know i reli love her.. when im happy, i feel like a bird flying in e air.. when im sad.. my heart is rip into pieces..

maybe tt's wad love is all about.. happiness and sorrows.. she has been putting in alot of effort in our r/s. im touched by wad she did.. i guess.. its all fated.. maybe we wun be together in e end.. but i guess wad's impt is NOW..

when she dun need mi, i will walk away...

7:56 PM;
I made my mark

sitting infront of e com
e background playing the song "Ru guo mei you ni" by karen mok
an emptiness fills my heart..

i reli miss her alot..
i wonder if she miss mi as much too..

tis song is basically abt missing tt someone
too much emotions deep within
but too many inappropriate actions
theres too much words to say
but duno where to start...

v nice song.. shd go listen to it

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage
i reli need alot of courage in loving her..
theres alot of setbacks n barriers to pass
while im stuck n feeling unsure of myself..
i hope i can remind myself how much i love her
n tt by remembering e love
i wun do anythnig stupid

'Relationships - of all kinds - are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost'

meaningful isn't it?
being possessive is not going to help
there got to be mutual trust and understanding
lots of negative thoughts came into my mind today when she went back to her hse
i told myself..
i love her right? shd trust her..
n i nv let my mood affect our conversation
all ends well with her sending mi 'dear sweet dream'

i guess.. its more than enough..

12:58 AM;
I made my mark

IM FEELING SOOOOOO IRRITATED!!!!

mood was bad.. fed up!
feels tired, lethargic, piss off
duno wif wad oso..
dun feel like doing anything
n yet im still feeling BORED!!

BORED????? wad e hell im doing??
having menopause is it??
mood swing till like duno wad

im like a person waiting for money to drop from e sky..
rotting..

8:44 PM;
I made my mark

brought my baby for a haircut!!
he's botak now!!
haha...



before



after

he become skinny now.. but more Energetic
he can leap and fly..
so with less 'hair'
he can fly..
i told my sis..
'maybe u can run better without ur clothes on..'
hahahahahaha
she just beat mi..

had a married life lately..
can see e effort shes putting in..
so far.. its only 4 days tt shes not with mi..
its good.. n yet.. can be bad too

i saw her alot
before during n after work..
its like i got less time for myself..
alot of my time i spent it with her..
while im missing her
she's beside mi..
its like..
it might just make my feelings for her come to a stagnant phrase

we progress too fast..
things r not settled yet
i just feel tt dist makes e heart fonder
at times i will tink..

is she with mi becoz shes lonely?

ok.. im being a bastard here..
but i just got no confidence of myself..
anyway.. she wun be wif mi today..
im having off day..
tts so much stuff i wan to do..

tts when i feel i need freedom n space of my own..

i wana go holiday

2:14 PM;
I made my mark